Author: Athea (
Universe: ATF
Series: Anchors, part 5
Title: Beginnings, second part
Summary: Chris thinks about their beginnings. (set a week after Ezra gets home from the hospital)
Date: 30 November 2003
********* Chris *********

Ezra was napping again when I came in from finishing my chores. He was curled up in the recliner, the polar fleece blanket covering him completely with just the tip of his nose poking out. The fire was crackling in the big stone fireplace and I sat on the floor by his chair, soaking up the heat and watching the flames snap higher. His head wound had healed and even the little scar left by the stitches was beginning to fade but he still needed rest more frequently than before.

The team would meet here tomorrow to hash out what we wanted for our futures. One on one, we'd talked to each other so I was pretty sure we were in agreement. But Sunday would settle some of those details we needed to solidify. I'd warned Travis we were looking at some changes and that wily old man had just nodded. I was never sure if he realized Ezra and I were a couple or not.

I was really looking forward to having him move completely in with me and sell off that townhouse of his. I'd grown used in the last week to having him right by my side day *and* night. Smiling, I took a sip of my coffee and cast my thoughts back in time to when we'd first spent a whole three weeks together.


Ezra stretched all over and I watched him come awake. "Chris, what ever are you watching me for?"

"I like looking at you, Ezra." I told him the truth and waited for his chuckle.

He went from indolent to pounce-mode in a flicker of an eye. Sliding on top of me, he matched our groins while taking my lips hostage. When he kisses you, nothing is left out - no part of your body is left untouched. I will never get enough of his kisses. Never, I vowed silently while stroking his back all the way down to his cheeks.

They were rock hard and I could still remember the searing heat when I slid inside that little hole and made love to him the night before. It had taken a week of playing and stretching before I felt ready to make love to him. I'd honed my cock-sucking skills and his cock no longer seemed so fearsome. Still big and still thick but I was feeling a little more adventurous now so I was hoping to get him to try me out.

But he was adamant we needed to take it slow and he assured me I was always welcome inside of him. I didn't want to pout but I really was ready for more.

"You're plotting something, Chris." His teasing voice from under my ear made me wiggle beneath him.

"I want you to stretch me some more. I liked what you've done so far and I'm curious what it will feel like." I smiled up at him and watched his eyes widen. "Please?"

His cock was interested, real interested if the hard length against my hip was any indication. He reached over my head to the shelf which had once held a book and a Kleenex box but was a lot more interesting now that a tube of lubricant and a couple of sex toys had been added. I'd taken the medium sized dildo two days before and having it massage my prostate was better than anything I'd ever felt.

"All right, but you are to tell me if it's too much." He admonished me while slicking up two fingers. "We have all the time in the world and I have no wish to hurt you."

"A little pain isn't going to kill me, Ezra." I widened my legs so he could come between them. "I like having you inside of me. It's like being connected to more than just our bodies."

His smile was bright and he leaned down to kiss me while teasing me with tiny brushes against my entrance. Then both fingers were sliding in and flexing gently. It ached and stung a little but I concentrated on staying relaxed and tasting his tongue. If I could just patent his taste, we'd be rich and could retire tomorrow. I thought maybe the next fifty years of making love would be a good start on my taste tests.

That's if I could ever get him inside of me. But the burn was now extreme and I realized he'd slipped another finger in. His eyes were watching me with the hooded look that made me shiver. If I'd been standing up, I'd have gone weak-kneed. He wanted me, I knew that but this was a look he'd never given me before and I felt like a mouse confronting a hungry cat.

"It's burning, I know. Tell me what you want, Chris." He asked me tenderly.

"It's burning a *little*, Ezra. I want the bigger dildo so I'm ready for you." I slid a hand down to grasp him and felt him shudder with need. "I've been patient but I'm not some shy, innocent virgin who can't take a little pain."

"Ah, but you're my virgin, love." He kissed me again and his fingers flexed in larger circles while I burned for him. Then he pulled away and sat up gracefully. "Up on all fours, Chris and I'll try the anal plug."

Finally! I sat up, kissed him hard and turned over in a single movement. He chuckled and began spreading the thick lotion he'd gotten at the Asian Market over the realistic plug made of thermal plastic, otherwise known as soft-skin. It felt like skin and if you held it, it warmed up like touching real flesh. He'd ordered it from a company called Good Vibrations and one of these days I was going on line and order something to surprise him.

The first touch of lotion slick fingers made me push back impatiently. He chuckled and caressed my spine with his other hand. "You are such a delight, Chris. You greet each new experience with such enthusiasm, you . . . inspire me."

I blushed and looked over my shoulder. "I like everything you do, Ezra. It's been a long time since I've had any fun. I got so lost in mental pain I forgot it was okay to be happy until you reminded me."

His eyes softened to a rich moss green and he leaned in to kiss me. Tender caresses to lip and tongue followed by gentle fingers stroking me with velvet tips while I purred for him. He was brushing love over every part of me and I was soaking it up like a sponge. The more he gave me, the more I wanted . . . needed . . . craved.

But now the sting was turning to a burn and I felt myself stretched wide by the base of the plug. His warm fingers pushed it in and pulled it out a little. I flexed a little around it and wondered if I'd ever shrink small again. He bent down and began kissing up my spine.

"How . . . does . . . it . . . feel?" One of his hands languidly pulled on my balls and I shivered all over. "Tell . . . me . . . true."

"Big and there's some burn but it's not bad." I told a tiny white lie.

"Really," he chuckled and rolled off the bed, heading for the bathroom. "Then come and shower with me so we can start cooking breakfast."

Now? I grumbled and awkwardly slid off the bed. Every little motion moved the plug and burned a little more. It felt a foot long and about ten inches wide even though I knew it wasn't. I walked bow-legged into the bathroom where Ezra had the water running already. His delighted smile when he saw me brought a matching smile to my face. He didn't smile enough and I liked that *I* was the reason he was happy.

"Too much?" He asked me with a lifted eyebrow.

"No," I said shortly and straightened up, forcing the plug deeper with a flinch. "I'm not a shrinking violet, Ez'. I can take a little discomfort."

His smile widened and he stepped into the shower stall behind the glass door. His hands reached for the soap and lathered up, reaching for that cock of his and sliding it through his fingers. "This" he almost sighed ". . . will not be a 'little discomfort', Chris."

I stepped in beside him and closed the door behind me, sliding my arms around his solid body. "You give me your love with every touch, Ezra. As for your cock, I think he's beautiful and he's going to give me so much pleasure I'll probably pass out."

He stood stiffly in my arms for a moment then melted against me, his arms hugging me close. "You're a fool, Chris Larabee."

"I know that, Ezra, but I'm your fool." I rubbed my hands up and down his back, warming him and nudging him under the water spray.

Chuckling, he returned the favor. We washed each other carefully and I made sure to tease his cock every few moments. I had the feeling he'd been hurt in the past by potential lovers who'd showed fear. He was still a bit of a mystery to me and I thought maybe I was to him as well. That flash of insecurity told me he wasn't quite sure of my feelings yet. I'd have to work a little harder at making him comfortable with me.

I was tired of being the strong one all the time. The last few months had taught me I could trust him to take care of me, to teach me new things and to guard my heart the way he guarded his own. But I'd met his mother so I was pretty sure why he hid his feelings under a mask. I was working on getting him to take it off when he was with me. Of course, I preferred him naked both emotionally and physically.

And he liked me that way, too. We were a pretty good match and I made sure he knew it.

"Chris, how does it feel now?" One of his hands was tenderly gloving my cock with soapy fingers.

I checked my body and found it really didn't hurt that much. "Big, but the burn is gone and it just feels awkward now. You going to take him out and put Mr. Standish in?"

He chuckled and bit his lip for a moment until I soothed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and he welcomed me in. I do love kissing him. He's fire and spice and rarely the same two kisses in a row. I was addicted to him, which was why it was so hard to lose him to an undercover assignment. I just plain missed him when he was gone.

But he was pulling back with a smile and he pulled me under the shower head. "Then we shall rinse and I will take you back to bed." He ran the washcloth over my back and down over my buttocks. "There I will remove this plug and give you myself."

"Yes!" I shouted and rinsed off quickly, making sure he was, too. We dried hastily and I walked a little gingerly to the bed. If I was real lucky, I'd be walking funny for days.

"On your side, love, that will be easier on you." He plucked the plug from between my cheeks and I sighed in relief.

But his words registered then and I turned to look at him. "That's not how I took you last night."

"I am not a virgin, Chris." He smiled down at me and motioned me to face away from him. "I needed you deep within me and being on all fours brought me that wonderful sensation. In time, if you wish, we can experiment with a multitude of positions. For now, please let me guide you in this."

"I trust you, Ezra." I told him and watched his shy smile blossom. Of all the things we'd said to each other, love was the hardest thing for me to say and the word trust was his. But we were getting there and I did trust him not to hurt me so I rolled onto my side and felt his cool slick fingers slide in.

"Thank you, Chris," a soft kiss was nestled under my ear. "This cream has a numbing agent in it so you may feel a slight loss of sensation shortly but that is a good thing for now."

I frowned a little at the feeling of three fingers. "We didn't use it last night."

He chuckled. "Virgin versus non-virgin, my love. I promise once you're used to me we will forego such precautions."

The fourth finger folded in and I shivered with the extreme fullness but managed to keep my moan to a gasp. He flexed them gently and I pushed back a little to get them where they could spark my gland. But he sighed and pulled them out instead. I whined deep in my throat but he moved up closer behind me and I felt the warm blunt crown press against my hole.

I should have been stretched enough to take him easily but I could feel pain start to radiate from my entrance. He pushed steadily and it hurt . . . it hurt more than anything we'd done before. I was panting when he finally popped through and stopped moving. Forget the plug, it was a pencil compared to the nightstick he'd just shoved inside of me.

"Too much, Chris, you're in pain." His voice was low and I could feel him start to back away.

Grabbing his hip with my right hand, I stopped him. "Wait . . . I'm . . . adjusting." Breaking my leg hadn't hurt this much, I thought through the red haze behind my eyes. Why was there so much pain? "Tell me I didn't hurt you last night."

"You felt full but not painful, my love." His head rested between my shoulder blades and his hands held me close. "Don't let me hurt you, Chris. We do *not* have to do this now. Frankly, we never have to do this ever again. You satisfy me in so many ways, I don't need this to tell me you . . . love me."

I brought my hands up to hold his. "I know we don't, Ezra. But I want to experience it all with you. I want to know how it feels when you're inside of me like I now know what it feels like to be inside of you. Your heartbeat is coming from your cock. It feels odd."

He relaxed a little and his hands petted my stomach. "I felt yours, too. Remember what you said about being connected? We truly are at the moment but it need go no further."

I flexed a bit and felt my inner muscles spasm again. I'd had worse, I decided. "More, Ez', give me a little more of him."

"Very well, Chris, but you are to tell me what you are feeling, step by step." He pinched my stomach and I pushed back to get away from his teasing fingers only to shove myself further onto him. "Dear god, you are tight."

Tell me about it, I thought. "How does it feel to you, Ezra?"

"Better than anything I've ever felt before," his voice was muffled against my back and I smiled involuntarily. "Your heat is like standing over a furnace vent on a cold winter morning."

He was almost all the way in now and his hands stroked my stomach as if to feel if he was going to come out there. His leg eased between mine, giving him more room to maneuver. I shivered and remembered he wanted to hear what I was feeling. "I wonder if my insides are moving around to make room for you, Ez'?"

He snorted with laughter and finally stopped balls deep. "I don't believe so, my dear Chris. You feel a little less tense now, is it getting better?"

"Yes, he's all the way in, isn't he?" I wondered if I'd ever grow used to this. Or if I was going to have to wimp out on him.

"He is and I must admit he's extremely happy in his current location." His hips began a miniscule movement rocking slowly out an inch then back in. "Is there any pleasure or is it swamped with the pain?"

Hot, it was really hot, I decided. "I think he's sitting on my prostate. It's so hot in here."

He licked up and down the top of my spine while moving a little more. "You exude heat, Chris; it rather feels like dipping my cock in molten lava to be inside of you like this."

"Oh yeah," I was panting again while my cock started enjoying himself. "Damn, it's like little shocks from an electric outlet. Go a little faster, Ez'."

And his hips moved faster. "Dear heavens, Chris, I can actually feel those shocks myself."

I started pushing back to get more of him . . . faster . . . harder . . . something. My cock was hard as steel and one of his hands had joined mine in stroking him. And suddenly my body couldn't take any more and I seized up all over. He buried his shout in my shoulder and I felt heated liquid flood my bowels.

It felt like the top of my head had come off and I was limp all over when he slowly rocked himself free of me. My brain was whimpering and when he pushed me onto my stomach so he could check me, I went with a groan.

"No blood," I heard relief in his voice and felt the bed give when he rolled off to head for the bathroom.

That was good, I thought hazily. It still felt like he'd parked the Jag in there, I chuckled quietly and wondered why my shoulder stung. He was back quickly and I felt him cleaning away the trickles of cum from between my cheeks. Then he kissed the stinging spot. "Sorry about that, Chris, I'm afraid I bit you."

I got control of most of my muscles and rolled into him. "Good, I like making you lose control enough to brand me." His smile was a little tentative and I pulled him down on top of me. "I liked it, Ezra. I liked having you inside of me even though there was some pain. As a former virgin, do I get a reward for grace under pressure?"

Then I batted my eyelashes at him. He choked and laughed at the same time. There, I thought with relief, he knows it's okay now. We're okay now. When he kissed me again, I opened to his tongue and sucked on it languidly. We kissed softly for long moments and I felt more connected to him then I'd ever felt before. Maybe there really was something profound about losing your virginity, I thought and I moaned when he pulled away.

"My dearest ex-virgin, you do get a reward for your bravery and prowess under pressure. I believe breakfast in bed and your choice of meal are the very least of what you can expect today."

Smiling, I surreptitiously flexed my ass muscles and felt a twinge radiate up through my back. "Pancakes with peaches and maple syrup, for starters. Then I think I want a hot bath after breakfast and after that, one of your massages with the cinnamon oil."

His smile was tender and bright. "I think you're inspired, my love. Stay here and rest while I get breakfast ready. Don't move a muscle and be thinking of other rewards. This day belongs to you."

I smiled and watched him pull on a robe to leave the room. Flexing again, I thought about sex and what it meant to me. It wasn't just sex, I realized. This was love and commitment and the desire to mate with the man who'd brought me back to life. I had loved my wife and child with all the passion in me and their deaths had almost destroyed me. But I could feel old places inside of me wake up with Ezra's touch.

Ezra's emotions echoed in me and suddenly, I wasn't scared to show those emotions. I've been called cold and hard and for a long time, I truly had been. Feelings hurt so I tried not to have any of the softer ones. But one by one, Team 7 had opened me up and brought me out of the shell of pain in which I'd been living.

First Buck stormed in and reminded me of the friendship of my youth. Then Vin looked at me and suddenly I had a brother-in-arms. JD bounced in and brought me into the 21st century with his computers and enthusiasm. Nathan nagged me into taking better care of myself while Josiah made me stop and think about concepts I'd always taken for granted.

But Ezra was the one who teased me, ran rings around me and reminded me of love; crazy, insane, overwhelming love like I hadn't felt in years. Suddenly I wasn't just getting by I was experiencing new things and remembering old emotions in a new way. I flexed again and thought about whether I wanted to take him in again. I knew he'd never push it or even ask me, letting me decide our future course.

But I liked it when he took control. Rolling out of bed, I stood and waited for my insides to stop squishing. My first step was hard and I could tell I was going to be sore for a while. But I kept going, grabbing my robe and belting it around me while I walked gingerly towards the door. I didn't want to be separated from him today. I'd just got those barriers of his down.

I'd be damned if I let him raise them again. Standing in the door to the kitchen, I listened to him humming and watched him prepare our breakfast. He was good at everything he did, I decided before crossing over and sliding my arms around him. He stilled and tilted his head up at me. I kissed him hard then pulled just far enough away to look into his eyes.

"I love you, Ezra P. Standish." I started off the way I meant to go on. "I'm hurting a little now but you're going to come back in me until I get used to having him deep inside. He's a part of you and I want all of you. Do you want all of me?"

He bit his lip and nodded. "I find I do, Chris. My heart is rather battered but it is yours and has been for some time. I love you, too."

This time the warmth filled me from head to toe. "Then we'll muddle through this somehow."

"Muddle," he flashed a supercilious look at me. "Standish's never muddle, Sir. We finesse and we do it very well."

I grinned and listened to him chastise me while he poured the first hotcake on the griddle. Maybe I'd learn a little finesse along the way myself.

The end for now